how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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