You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
