I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
