drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
