dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize