I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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