Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
