Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
don't judge my taste in strippers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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