So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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