just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
