Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
