There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
