I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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