Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
