Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
