Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
