I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize