direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize