You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
