I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
try to milk me bitch
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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