Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
