It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
