if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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