this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
