I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
