I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
