OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
