I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
