i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
