Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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