I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come share oat with me in your robe
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
