Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
