the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
