remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
