roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
