do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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