I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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