We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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