I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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