when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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