I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
