It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
