Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
