I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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