He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
