you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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