In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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