So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
