the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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