you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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