Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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