so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
