Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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