The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
