Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
