im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
