Yo dont text me then not text me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
