This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
