CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
