omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
