Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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