Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize