He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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