my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
