I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
