I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
