I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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